1 month ago we said goodbye to you, and I still am having a hard time believing that you are gone. I constantly check the floor as I’m walking to make sure I don’t bump into you because you always loved to be underfoot. Whenever someone knocks on the door I wait to hear you bark and am sad when the house is silent. This weekend when we were cleaning the bathroom, a toilet paper roll fell onto the floor and I scrambled to pick it up because I know how much you loved to chew on tissues. It’s just weird because you are still so present to me, so when something happens and I remember you are gone, the pain of that day comes rushing back and it takes my breath away.
Can I tell you something, Ru? I hate that I had to make the call to end your life. I wouldn’t wish that decision on my worst enemy… deciding the day I would say goodbye to my best friend was absolutely devastating. But seeing you decline was devastating too – seeing you panicked when you were awake and only finding solace when you were snuggled up next to me asleep. I don’t want to talk anymore about how sick you were though – I don’t want to remember you like that. Instead, I want to remember my favorite things… the stories I tell people about you with a huge smile on my face…for instance:
- The day I brought you home to my apartment and you wouldn’t sleep and kept peeing everywhere, so in exasperation I took my blanket outside to the front lawn and attached a leash to your collar and wrapped the handle around my wrist and fell asleep while you pranced happily around me (of course, still peeing everywhere). I was 21 and clearly not ready for motherhood.
- The time you walked right into a pond because the algae floating on top looked like grass. You were so startled and seemed genuinely offended that Daniel and I couldn’t stop laughing at you.
- How you confused “down” with “roll over” so you just combined the two… but you rolled over with such fervor!
- How you didn’t like very many people, but the people who you did let into your circle, you loved them with force.
I miss you, buddy. I miss your velvet-y soft ears. I miss having you curled up next to me in bed. I miss your soft kisses. I miss you. I will never know another dog like you. You are one of a kind. I love you.