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Dear Rufus

February 23rd, 2015 | Posted by Emily in Doggies! | Loss for words | Rufus | Smiling through tears

Dear Rufus,

1 month ago we said goodbye to you, and I still am having a hard time believing that you are gone. I constantly check the floor as I’m walking to make sure I don’t bump into you because you always loved to be underfoot. Whenever someone knocks on the door I wait to hear you bark and am sad when the house is silent. This weekend when we were cleaning the bathroom, a toilet paper roll fell onto the floor and I scrambled to pick it up because I know how much you loved to chew on tissues. It’s just weird because you are still so present to me, so when something happens and I remember you are gone, the pain of that day comes rushing back and it takes my breath away.

Rufus and Mom

Can I tell you something, Ru? I hate that I had to make the call to end your life. I wouldn’t wish that decision on my worst enemy… deciding the day I would say goodbye to my best friend was absolutely devastating. But seeing you decline was devastating too – seeing you panicked when you were awake and only finding solace when you were snuggled up next to me asleep. I don’t want to talk anymore about how sick you were though – I don’t want to remember you like that. Instead, I want to remember my favorite things… the stories I tell people about you with a huge smile on my face…for instance:

  • The day I brought you home to my apartment and you wouldn’t sleep and kept peeing everywhere, so in exasperation I took my blanket outside to the front lawn and attached a leash to your collar and wrapped the handle around my wrist and fell asleep while you pranced happily around me (of course, still peeing everywhere). I was 21 and clearly not ready for motherhood.
  • The time you walked right into a pond because the algae floating on top looked like grass. You were so startled and seemed genuinely offended that Daniel and I couldn’t stop laughing at you.
  • How you confused “down” with “roll over” so you just combined the two… but you rolled over with such fervor!
  • How you didn’t like very many people, but the people who you did let into your circle, you loved them with force.

I miss you, buddy. I miss your velvet-y soft ears. I miss having you curled up next to me in bed. I miss your soft kisses. I miss you.  I will never know another dog like you. You are one of a kind. I love you.

Love,
Your Mama

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15 Responses

  • avatar woofssi says:

    Love. I had never heard the pee story before! That’s hilarious :) Rufus was a good guy and even though we only met a couple times, I’m pretty sure I was on his good people list…even though I took his favorite humping leg away. He was a lucky dog and you were lucky to have him someone like him in your life.

  • avatar Corbin says:

    Loved hearing Ru stories I never heard before. Thanks for sharing a sliver of his amazing life with all who follow you. Hugs.
    Jenn

  • avatar Ashley says:

    Oh Emily…I just love that letter, and have tears falling down my face at my desk. Rufus was so special, and I so loved meeting him when my aunt and I got to say good bye to Moby and meet his forever family. That pond story just cracks me up! As does the peeing everywhere. What a character. I think about you often, as I cannot imagine having to make that decision. He was so lucky to get you as his mama. HUGS!!

  • What a great way to remember your buddy. Thanks for sharing and helping his memory to live on.

  • avatar Angela says:

    thinking of you

  • avatar rottrover says:

    Thanks for sharing these fond memories…

  • avatar Laurie says:

    What a beautiful letter to your boy …he’ll be forever in your heart. I’m so sorry you had to make that heartbreaking decision. Thank you for sharing Rufus with us ❤️

  • This was so sweet. So happy to read about his fun antics and that those are the things you’re vowing to remember. Lots of hugs from LA, this is truly the hardest part of having puppies (and other animals) in our lives.

  • avatar Trish Fahey says:

    It is so hard to make that choice, but you did so out of love and respect for Ru. He had a wonderful life with you. His end was the best any of us can hope for…being surrounded by those we love before our suffering is interminable.

  • avatar OhMelvin says:

    What an awesome dude with some incredibly wonderful parents. Your time with him, his time with you, this post – all true love. That he was yours, destiny.

  • What a beautiful letter to a beautiful little soul… you have such sweet memories.

  • avatar Mary Jane Sepmeier says:

    Hello, I want to thank you for your beautiful tribute letter to your special friend and cherished companion. I had to make the decision to let my little girl go, six weeks ago, for much of the same reasons that you had to face, with no way to change the deteriorating condition. My Sandy had been with me for 15 years, she was the next-to-the-last-to-be-acquired in a pack-family of dogs that eventually numbered nine, who were with me through and during the most painful losses and times of my life, and, at the same time, I realize now, those were the best years of my life. I’m so glad that I got to read your letter, because I felt better, as a result, for the first time, since I had to take Sandy in to be released from the symptoms that were making her so confused, and the seizures continue to reoccur, in spite of her three doctor’s extensive attempts to find some medication for controlling them. (brain tumor — untreatable) I have been so alone in my feelings of devastation and grief, and up until now, I didn’t think that anyone could possibly realise how overwhelming that this loss is. Your sharing from your deepest heart has given me the strength and the hope that I really needed, in order to go on. I hope that the knowledge that your
    Little fellow’s life story as you shared it has saved someone’s will help you to feel better and to find comfort, as you go on. My deepest sympathy is extended to you.

    • Mary Jane – I am so sorry for your loss. It is an awful feeling to feel completely alone in your grief, but there is nothing like the amazing dog community online to help you to remember that you are in fact, NOT alone and there are lots of people who understand exactly what your loss feels like. I am so happy to hear that my post brought you comfort in your time of grief.

  • avatar cafall says:

    Love and hugs. I’m so sorry to read this.

    Monty and Harlow



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